Three People Blindfolded In A Room With Science
by Mark Baumer
A study was released this week. It was unclear whether the study was true or not. Three different humans were asked to confirm or deny the study. One of the humans had a radio instead of a bottom lip. This was an impressive achievement by modern science. The radio lip neither confirmed nor denied the report. Instead the radio lip said, “Treat me like a queen.” The second human was pretty good at wearing business casual clothing. The scientists who released the study were very impressed with this business casual clothing. One of them said, “I feel like this business casual clothing has unconsciously eliminated forty percent of my own cardiovascular death.” The human in business casual clothing nodded and thought, “Actually, it was only a twenty-eight-percent reduction of cancer death.” The scientists could partially read brainwaves and in a private room they all cheered. They even yelled a little. One scientist said, “This is even more remarkable than early stage prostate cancer!” No one really paid attention to the third human participant. The body fabric attached to this human was neither business casual nor radio lip. Mostly, this third human’s body was entirely covered in face shields. It was a little frightening because the face shields emitted a soft hum. When you pressed your ear on one of the face shields it sounded like someone was repeatedly whispering, “Microwave my sunshine.” Bottom line: there are likely benefits from incorporating more sources of input into your life if you suffer in general.
Mark Baumer lives in Providence Rhode Island. He is currently seeking an experience of being alive. His website is thebaumer.com.
Josh Graupera is a visual artist living in Lancaster, Pennsylvania.